Imagine that all these places that you travel to are really only places in your head. You physically travel to destinations in your head. It's like the whole world is a map of your mind. Or maybe even better - you create the world with every blink of an eye. They exist only while perceived. My heart is heavy tonight. Something left unsaid and the feelings not yet expressed. I'm not friends with myself in this very moment. There are truths I don't want to hear or signs I cannot read. Maybe I try too hard. Maybe I forgot that all is one. Myths and Legends. Dreams. Memories. I want to lock them all in a secret diary. There are nights like this, when we are out of touch with the spark that inspires us. No melody, no image brings back the poetry of the moments gone forever.
The other times, it happens sometimes when I'm ill, I can feel them very close. I can pick the moment, I can travel in time and feel everything like back then. The good and the bad. Time becomes a concept and I am between worlds. I feel it when the storm hangs in the air. When the early morning sun shines through the leaves in the woods. When I look at stained glass in a church, thinking of something familiar but forgotten.
Sometimes I feel like I was not born, I just suddenly gained memory. Maybe all this is just a drama of a conscious mind. Everywhere I look is a shard of a mirror where I see a piece of myself.
You take these moments and transform them with magic. Take these magic gardens. Make them real with a blink of an eye. That's all I ever wanted. That's all I strive for. I remember a painting in my grandma's house. Sea during the storm. The sky, angry but hopeful. I loved those paintings. I saw a sky like this. I will always long for it. I want to remember all the skies that ever spoke to me. I remember the moon on a cold winter night, my footsteps in the snow. Going back home. Home wasn't a safe place. True home was up there. Me and the Moon, we shared a secret. I was falling asleep in its silver arms.
The smell of an old library and paint with words. Paint with a crack on the mirror. Remember the smell of dry roses. You used to dry flowers.
You used to write in your notebook. You used to think you've got something. A special friendship with something bigger than you. You thought you would go live in the mountains or catch the storm by the sea. You thought you came from a different planet. But you had only this pen and with this pen you build the worlds. You painted the landscapes of your dreams. You must go and find them. Lost forgotten dreams. You must build your underground kingdom like you dreamed to. Travel to the core of the earth. Be the queen. Be the guide and protector. The childless mother. The door to another dimension. You got lost. An angel's soul got lost in a human body. How weird and wonderful to be here now, in this human experience.