This year was very emotional for me, I had to face many uncomfortable truths about myself and the world around me. I did a lot of work on myself and started a new project as well as organised some of the recurring thoughts. Since I came back from London I have this calm feeling of closure over many past relationships and issues. I've met a couple of wonderful, inspiring people and felt understood and very confident on my path. After so many hours of talking things through over and over I started believing in the words I was speaking.
I realized, once again, that I know the best the answers to my questions. It made the experience of meeting someone and sharing a moment so much more profound and lighter - stripped off of the pressure of what I wanted to hear.
Suddenly, my experience has become valid. All the things I've been through had their role in shaping me in who I am now. I lived things I couldn't have otherwise empathize with or learn from.
There were moments I felt a deep regret and bitterness facing years wasted on wrong people and superficial pleasures, all to fill up the emptiness and loneliness. Thinking I am simply not enough - I needed something or someone to complete me. I reached the deepest depth of personal humiliation. It look a lot of painful lessons to build the spine and strength to stand up for myself. I was desperate for love and hungry for approval.
As I started seeing myself in a new light, it became apparent that it doesn't have to be this way and I'm in charge. The things that bothered me seem much more manageable and my dreams once again feel real and attainable. I know there's many more dragons to slay on the way but I'm embracing the changes within me and celebrate them.
I know that most likely I will soon encounter the resistance to positive change from no other than my own mind. You see, it isn't particularly used to everything being fine and it worked really hard throughout my life to provide sufficient amount of challenge and drama. It can be scary to feel your dreams being something possible to achieve. Mostly because there seem to be nothing left standing between me and who I choose to be. The only thing that can stop me is me. And if I don't go and take my future into my own hands I will be the only one to blame. Gods are with me and all the circumstances are favorable.